Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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