Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
