Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
