You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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