So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
