I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
did i just pee glitter
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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