you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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