i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize