So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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