My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
COCAINE IS GR8
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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