Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize