i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
