I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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