no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
