is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
