Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
