Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
