dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
