if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
