i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
