I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
