can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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