Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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