She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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