dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
This house was built for laser tag.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
