So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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