Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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