He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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