SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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