If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I think your dad took our porno
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
