i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
