the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
