My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
