its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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