My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
