Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
