I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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