I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You're earring is so big in my mouth
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
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