i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
two words...techno handjob
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
