If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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