3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
