I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
