my vag is so smooth its legendary
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
