If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
