it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
