i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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