I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
