So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
