awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
