6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
When are your genitals available?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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