working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
