i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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