this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
