Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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