she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
