im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
