Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
