Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
