my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
