so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
