If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
