He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
