drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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